Writer problems

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  1. Ending up on a government watchlist for Internet search history.
  2. Rattling off nonsense phrases so you don’t forget: Change “milquetoast sequins” to “milquetoast ruffles.” Change “milquetoast sequins” to “milquetoast ruffles.” Change “milquetoast sequins” to “milquetoast ruffles.”
  3. Acting out gestures to figure out how to write them.
  4. Sore throat from reading entire novel out loud to “listen for the music in the words.”
  5. Nightmares about upcoming critique.
  6. Not booking any vacation until May while you wait to see if you get into that writers’ conference and need to use up all your vacation time.
  7. 500 novel problems and a ____ ain’t one.
  8. 473 instances of “just” and “it” and “was” to be reviewed and revised/deleted.
  9. Compulsively checking Publisher’s Marketplace to make sure no one has published a book just like yours.
  10. Compulsively reading book reviews to make sure no one has published a book just like yours.
  11. Hating a book you love because it is so much better than yours.
  12. Pitying looks from friends and family when you talk about your novel for the 100th time.

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